I'm a Farmer.

Don’t let the title of this post fool you. I’m not really a farmer.

I was just masquerading as a farmer on a farm that harvests nothing.

I had to head up to country on Saturday to visit my mum for Easter, but me being the silly girl that I often am, decided to rely on my iPhone and Vodafone to get me to this unknown destination.

As soon as I hit Ballarat, my phone lost reception and I had no way to call my mum to ask her for directions. All hope was lost.

I pulled over and got the Sat Nav from the boot, only to discover that the charger was missing and it was flat as a pancake. No prizes for guessing who I think lost the cord.

I decided to wing it, and after driving for 3 hours (knowing it was only meant to take me 1.5 hours maximum) and seeing signs indicating that I was getting closer to Horsham, I panicked, took a mean right turn down some dusty road and prayed that I would get closer to my destination.

I had a full tank of petrol, a slab of water in the boot but also a hangover and CD’s that I was quickly getting sick of.

After driving for another hour, I ended up in a town called Talbot and stopped at the milk bar for directions, and they gave me the happy news that I was only about 10km away from my destination. They drew me directions and I set off with hope. After driving 20km, I started to panic and stopped in the next town at the Police Station, for more directions, only to discover that they were shut. Great going, Victoria Police.

After I flagged down a local who gave me directions to turn back, I sat in my car on the side of the road crying for 20 minutes at the thought of my mum, worried that I had ended up in a ditch somewhere after not showing up nor calling her.

20 minutes later I decided that the time had come to go to someone’s house and hopefully use a phone.

I left my car on the main road, incase the inhabitant decided to kill me, I figured my car would be visible at least and might help the police locate my dismembered body.

I knocked on a door and thankfully a lovely lady helped me out, rang my mum and we found out I was literally only 5 minutes away from them.

Mum came and got me, and it turns out she was in the main town looking for my car, and she was indeed panicking.

So, a 1.5 hour drive took me 5 hours. I’m not usually such a crier, I am the sort of person who thinks running out of petrol is fun as it leads to an adventure, but knowing that mum was already worried about me driving over the Easter break, paired with frustration, was enough to make me lose my shit. 

Anyway, on to hilarious photos of me pretending to be a farmer, cork hat included.

Don’t judge my terrible outfit choices. It was freezing on the farm and I only packed minimal clothing so had to wear it all at once.  I literally have 2 pairs of pants on, 2 tops, 2 cardigans and a hoody on.

Mum walked around the land, whilst I rode the ride on after hearing stories of snakes.

Her one piece of advice whilst we were collecting fire wood? ‘Make sure that the stick does not have a head or a tail’. Great. Believe me, I was looking for movement with every damn step that I took.

I’m just not a country girl.

Whilst going to look at some land nearby, I stopped and took a photo of this cow and then it looked like it was going to bull rush me so I mildly panicked. 

Mum had said that she wanted some trees and seedlings for Easter so I stopped on the way and got her a lemon tree and apricot tree. At least if I ran out of petrol whilst lost I could munch on lemons. 

We had a great weekend of reading, eating, conspiracy theories and ghost stories.

I had to make a dash to Maryborough K-Mart to buy some slippers and warmer clothes.

Don’t get used to seeing me like this.

Today’s manicure consists of China Glaze Jitterbug with an accent nail of China Glaze Lorelai’s Tiara. Perfect for this frosty Melbourne weather.

Yesterdays outfit photos are pretty terrible as the bedroom has shocking lighting and I forgot to take advantage of the bathroom mirror at work.

I was wearing:

Zara Cropped Pants (full length on my short and stumpy legs)

Caroline Morgan Belt

Portmans Top

Zara Blazer (not pictured but you know the one, it’s black)

Tony Bianco wedges.

Embracing pants as I can't be bothered to shave my legs. 

I look extra mini and super shiny in this photo, but I assure you, I am not mini. Shiny perhaps, but not mini. 

It’s been pretty fresh to death here but I still like to eat my lunch outside in the fresh air, so have to struggle through the bone chilling wind that whips around.

I need to take some more skin photos to show the results of my peels at Miss Fox because my skin is looking pretty good!!! 

I know I have mentioned this lip balm before, but now I have to grumble about it.

What is the deal with lip balms which grow a skin over the top within a day of non use?! Seriously. I have to peel off the gross hard skin, wasting a crap load of the lip balm in the mean time, and get to the fresh gooey stuff.

If you are reading this, Figs & Rouge, this is really, very annoying. 

In other news, my Kony 2012 bracelet arrived. I actually have zero intentions of wearing something that will make it look like I am associated with kabbalah but bought it with good intentions of donating a little bit of cash.

Seems like everyone has forgotten about Kony.

I’m eating my Lite n Easy dinner for lunch instead today as I have boxing and need the extra energy. 

I’m not sticking to Lite n Easy religiously, as I am not doing it for weight loss, only for convenience, but am still pretty happy with it. Except for the fruit. It sucks. 

Thanks for all the entries in The Makeup Box Shop give away so far, was shocked to discover that it would get over 200 entries within 24 hours! Amazing.

The Husband is still in America, and I have been slowly compiling lists of things for him to bring me back, but at the moment it only consists of mascara and nail polish, oh yeah and glittery toothpaste for Ashleigh-Rose.

I’ve been scouring the usual websites, Macys etc, for things that I might like (looking for wedge sandals and general fashion items etc) but so far no bueno. I mean, there are things that I want, but it would probably be easier for me to just buy them on-line rather than send him out to forage for them..

I’ll just be happy when he comes back safe and sound, and if he remembers to bring me the hotel shower caps, that is an added bonus.