Toddlers & Tiaras (NSFW image inside..)

On Saturday night I went to a Hens Night where the theme was "Toddlers & Tiaras" as the Hen, Casey, is a former child beauty queen!

I didn't have to go far to look for inspiration, all I had to do was google Eden Wood. This kid scares me but her mum scares me even more. 

No matter where you move, she is still watching you..

Saturday morning I got up at 6:50am to go to my Kick Boxing class, which I had to catch a tram for, and the instructor did not even turn up. I was pissed.

Later on in the morning, I had a Professional Peel done at Miss Fox (That post will be coming later this week, so stay tuned) and Luna did my make up in 80's Pageant Style to cover my redness, and make me look generally quite awesome. 

We went for a Miss Utah kind of look with the big over done eyes, heavy lip liner and filled in brows. I quite liked the look, ha.

I also met a gorgeous blog reader who was with her friend who was having a Bridal Trial at Miss Fox after seeing my hair and make up for our wedding. Hi!! Hope the trial was fantastic! 

What do you think? Should I go bleach blonde? 

The Husband was horrified by me in this wig. 

He said that my costume was very cute, but doesn't suggest I go blonde any time soon. 

My sister Cat and I put quite a fair amount of effort into our costumes, ordering dresses online, having pacifiers, teddy's and even frilly ankle socks. I can't go past a theme. 

Unfortunately nobody else really went for the theme like we did, but it doesn't matter as we are obviously quite awesome. 

I don't think Pageant Kids usually have such large cleavage on show, but hey, I tried to hide it and couldn't. 

Cat as a super cute Snow White. 

Oh yeah, Pin the Willy on the Hunk. Mine is the willy that looks like it is on fire... 

Casey & Axel 

The hens was at Witches in Britches which is a pretty cool place! We had dinner and watched the show, and Casey even got made to get up on stage and have a dance off. 

Later in the night one of the actors came and serenaded me whilst singing 'Jason Mraz - I'm Yours' which was slightly embarrassing as the spotlight was on us and the entire room was watching 

It was our waitresses first shift and she had told us that she was nervous so when half way through the night she dropped a massive tray full of plates, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die with her. Poor thing. 

Love my socks. I want to wear them ALL THE TIME!!! 

Worn with my Basque Mickey Heels. 

Close ups of my make up:

These lashes were INSANELY huge. 

It took awhile to get used to them, but then I decided that I love them.

 I did feel a tad silly walking through the city at 11:30am with full on make up though

Hi. Fish Face. 

This is the first dress that I bought, which was 100% perfect, but when it arrived it had some very, very suspicious dried up white stains on the front of the dress. If you get my drift....

I contacted the store and advised them of this and they refunded me and told me to dispose of the dress. By that time it was too late to order another one so I just went with the blue Wendy dress which was quite child like so did the job anyway. 

So what do you think, did I do a good job at looking like a child? 

What is the best themed party you have ever been to?

Hens Night - Video Evidence

Video evidence of our Burlesque Lessons!
Love the videos. They crack me up.

Remember to switch on your volume!

Had we have gone to the class after dinner we would have been beyond rowdy!

After the class was over, Lara and I were forced to jump on stage and do a little performance.
When she slapped my bum, it seriously hurt. My bum was sore all night. I'm not sure why she is humping me at the end....

My Burlesque Hens Night

I had my Burlesque themed Hens Night last night and had such an amazing time!!!

I wanted the burlesque theme as I love how over the top it is, and I love any excuse to dress up.

I am apologising in advance, as this is a massive mother effer of a post. I also have the photos in order for once, so you can see the decline in appearance like it should be

Gah, I was so excited!

Getting Ready

I had a cut and blow dry at Nara Hair on Lonsdale Street.

All of the hairdressers are so lovely and never fail to produce the goods.



Cat and I had our make up done at Illamasqua at Myer Melbourne.

The make up artist that did my make up, Rebecca, was amazing. I will definitely be using her again in the future.



I love all of the Illamasqua products!





The Imperial - Chapel Street

Liz, Cat & Jo organised the day/night and did such an amazing job.

We started at The Imperial at 3:30pm for drinks, and as a meeting spot.

Believe me, we needed those drinks for the class that was coming up!

No costumes. Tsk Tsk.



Still sober. Not adorned in the standard tacky hens gear yet..





Mum & Cat

Lacey & Maddie

Liz had filled this gift bags with things that might be needed during the night - chocolate, panadol, breath mints, lip gloss, lolly pops, phone numbers etc. They were awesome!!

Liz and Henry.

Henry was our little mascot for the night. He is such a good baby, I did not hear him cry once and the noise did not bother him at all! Neither did the prying eyes of all the girls that were excited to see him.

Mum, Cat & I

We are never all looking at the same camera dammit!

XXX-Tina & I

I love that all my friends went to such an effort to dress up, I love them for it!!

Sam & Laura.

Law flew down from Sydney for the night, as Sam & I had surprised her with flights so that she would not miss it! Considering that she is coming down again in 2 weeks for the wedding, it meant a lot to me that she was there!

We had to walk from Imperial to Red Bennies, along Chapel St at 5pm.

It is still bright at 5PM! It is fair to say that we had more than our share of looks and toots from people amused by 17 girls in burlesque costume stampeding Chapel St.

When ever Cat yelled out "WHO DOES MARYANNE LOVE?!" the girls had to yell back "S!!!" and she would yell this at any time, usually when surrounded by strangers, and the girls would scream it out.

It's fair to say that after a few drinks it went from yelling S's name, to yelling "ANAL" "COCK" "69ERS" - anything to embarrass me in front of my Mum!!!!!!!

Red Bennies - Burlesque Class

We kept with the theme and went to Red Bennies, where we had an hour long burlesque class which was such fun!

If you know me in real life, you know that I have no rhythm, I'm not a sexual person and I don't like all eyes on me (no, seriously!!) so this was definitely getting me out of my comfort zone, and I would imagine the same for a few other girls.

Lara was made for this shizz. I'll be uploading videos in my next post - be excited!!

My face says it all here hahahaha.

That's the teacher on my left and Gabby on my right. Gabby has been dancing for years, so this was right up her alley. I should not have gone next to her, then I wouldn't look so unco!!

Kitty, Myself, Leah, Vanessa & Celeste having a much needed drink during a break from strutting, twirling, removing gloves sexily etc.

Standard 'grab my boob' shot.

Strutting my stuff.

Taaa daaaa!

We had to learn how to flick open the fan, and I seriously sucked at it!! Gabby broke one, much to the teachers annoyance.

Hiiii

Lacey and I rocking our fans!!

The headband on my veil was way too small for my head, so I had bobby pins holding it in, but it was falling off all night, as was my sash.

Rocking my solo. Mum went from yelling out "That's my girl!!" to "I didn't teach her that!!!" at my stripperesque moves.

The Oriental Tea House

After our lesson we moved on to The Oriental Tea House for Yum Cha which was delishhh.

It was time for the hens night themed toys to come out!!

The standard Penis straw. Can't be a hen without one!! Mine ended up looking like it had some form of disease after my red lipstick was all over it.

Oh yeahh.

Cocktails in tea pots - Just how we like them.

Of course I had better things to do than take photos of all the food, but there are a few.

Work that Penis, Lacey!

Forget cups, we have penis straws.

These were to have a Penis race with, but Cat forgot the wind up things so it took awhile to get them started. Vanessa kept saying "Clearly the black penis will win, blacks are far superior in athletics!!!" she was not wrong.

I came home to these on my pillow. Excellent.

Please note thereis a penis on my shoulder.

Lacey & Leah

All of the girls wrote down dares for me, and I had them tied to my wrist and had to complete them when they said. At the Tea House I had to get crump in the middle of the tables (as so elegantly demonstrated in the above photo), ask a guy to buy me a shot (success!) and ask a random to call me, tick.

Kitty and I

Sus, Sara and Gabz

Lovely little family shot with Mum, Cat and Aunty Maddy!

Jett Black

We decided to head to Jett Black, as usual, as we had free entry for a few of us and drink cards.

As you can see, my veil and sash made the rounds!

I pulled off my falsies by this stage, and had already had a power vomit or 2, so was in great shape.

Last photo of the night, after everyone left, Cristina and I decided to soldier on.

We caught a cab to Trak, decided not to go in, and then caught a cab to The Long Room. Seeing as I met S there, it was quite fitting.

I was home in bed by 2:30am, so had a good 11 hours worth of fun and drinking.

I had such an amazing night, loved every bit of it!!!

I wore:

Pleasure State Corset

H&M Skirt

Levante Stockings with back seam & felt bow on ankle

Zara Heels

13 Days to go!!